Where did you get a picture of my penis
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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