We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
