dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
