yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
