Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
