Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
