On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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