What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
