i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
He felt like a one man threesome
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
