and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
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