Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We're too hungover to prance.
Randomize
