6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
