I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
