Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
