so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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