I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
