I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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