Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
