i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize