Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
