I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
