if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
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