last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
