So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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