im six kinds of drunk right now
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
