We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
