so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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