We got so high we made milksteak
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
