Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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