Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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