you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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