so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
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