I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
