she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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