Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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