I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize