Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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