I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize