I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
