My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
