Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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