we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
