I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
