im having a threesome with these popsicles
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The beer is more important than you right now.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
