I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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