I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
