I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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