at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize