my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
