you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
