Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
