God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
