I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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