Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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