Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there's paper in my vomit.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
