No awkward lesbian experiences without me
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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