No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
