Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
