If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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