ya dads aren't the best wingmen
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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