Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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