im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
