You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
