shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
