A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
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