Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
