He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
