margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
