I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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