so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
