Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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