He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
