Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
