I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
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